Lost somewhere in time…


It’s quiet out here, feels like everything has just stopped. The silence caught me thinking of going back to where I was. These incomplete thoughts I want to express more clearly, and insecurities I wanna breathe out of. So to breathe, I caught the smoke, holding on to every puff cause that’s all I got left and random voices telling me ‘it kills’. Well, smoking won’t kill you but something definitely will and that’s Time, just another irreversible concept which has mindfucked us for long. Try dealing with and fail a thousand more times like you’re doing right now with life, thinking it would change, but the cycle doesn’t stop. And then some people often tell you don’t look back; you’ve got this bright future ahead of you look ahead, really? that easy to let go is it?  Put them in your place ask them to take a seat and show them how the past just packed its bags and took everything with it, and all you have left is some visuals which you stopped smiling at.

If only I could crack time, would be erasing the risks or the possibilities of losing people I care about, even though somewhere down that mind I know it’s not practically possible. I would hold on to that hand once again but she’ll let go. To even get to that feeling of ‘love’ sometimes you need to let go to see how you’ve been feeling with and without. And just hope you felt it for the right person or else its just gonna haunt you. And the irony is that every time you try to express them, it’ll feel more dramatic than real, and then its just sad realisation of how you were a joke. No matter how original you tried to be about your feelings, it would often be discarded like some worn out machine, too old to function like your ways. 

It was almost until today I realized that there is always some man who already digs every way we looked out for and has been publicized by some other. So even the ways we try to solve things have already been resolved and preached by someone, and in your efforts to match them those promises seem fake, your commitments aren’t true as what you’re doing is just a bad remake of a good old classic which had left a pretty memorable impression at the time. 

Feelings are momentarily expressed and if you’re on the phone, then often misunderstood. Everything has become so easy, hopping onto some other bus thinking you deserved better service but never asked for it, or without informing which is also referred to as what some people say ‘cool’. And here I am,sitting late, with the ashtray piling up thinking how the winds came, made some influence and bam!, Chivalry’s dead.

Guess in this dream of my re-write; everything would be at stake, one last bet with my life to turn it over, throw everything down that memory lane, take a fresh page and fathom my chances of being ‘happily ever after’. Maybe if I am dumb in love, the ink will flow in her name again, hoping to look back into her eyes with an urge to kiss me back under the moonlit night. My stupid lips won’t even think twice before doing it, as heartbreak’s for the later part. Even the words ‘happily ever after’ must be laughing at each other, wondering how did they suddenly become an illusion so hard to get.

In the midst of the 21st century, as getting ‘over’ people has also made its way into gossip, it’s the perfect way to put your once called lovers into the category of ‘over.’ And, it comes out as a joke in front of your BFF, and you can say, “I m over him like the intellect class of Indians are with Indian television’ preferring Netflix now.” Getting on and over a person should be made the modern definition of relationships as it’s like an ECG going up and down in its waveforms without any feelings, it just needs to go until one day it stops.

We’re all just plants looking for someone to water them atleast that how it is for now. Our perspectives are like a mirror, it’s how we look through things, how we pretend not to care, how we sometimes want to care but can’t help it, without the perspective we are not defined. Unfortunately, in today’s chaos, our viewpoint in this huge crowd remains inclined to things we see rather than the things we feel, and when I say ‘things’ maybe we’re all mere objectifiers, you’ll never know. But it has come down to fill the vacuum, the void and for that, we’re just in for a quest looking for the ideal match. And after you get through your ‘getting to know each other’ part no matter how badly compatible you guys are as long as the face and the base is not messed up, its all #couplegoals. The way we’re progressing forward, makes me wanna go back, to pick up all the charm and values we’ve lost lately yet cold as we are, we move frozen.

Looks like everything has changed now, covering ourselves in our ‘wannabe’ filters, like it’s one nicely shed mask to cover and conquer in a battle.

I am sorry but I don’t think I can be this cold. I came with an updated version of me to live, love and just be and yet, someone in this world was just running in the opposite lines of mine, and I somehow managed to bump into her thinking why do these imperfections look so beautiful. Like I could live with it for the rest of my life. And now, everything hurts, from her ignorance becoming bliss, to me becoming all of a sudden, “insignificant,” now it’s only me and my chills. Sad as it might sound, it takes time to heal while my words shed tears. It’s the guilt that kills you from inside makes you feel about how you should have done things the other way. It feels like everything you have done is the reason why you’re there in the first place, wish someone could just remove it like a temporary tattoo, like a phase.

But for now, I guess I’ll just have to be the Joey in this story, patting my dog telling him I can’t have her.